![]() ![]() ![]() The only possible applications of the phrase "running for your life" in a basketball situation are if you are playing Ron Artest one-on-one on contraindicated medications, or if you are Snake Plisskind in Escape from L.A. That stapler's heavy, our coffee's hot, and Bill Raftery just ate a three ring binder out of boredom. You're there, I'm here, and we're really into declarative statements. It's important for a writer to set the stage, and it's clear from the start. Or worse still, you get "One Shining Moment." Let's examine the worst song in sporting history a little closer.īOLD STATEMENT THERE, SIR. Don't remember it? There's a reason, and it's called "The Theme to the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympic Games." When you just let the fans glom on randomly to a song, you get Liverpool fans with tears streaming down their cheeks singing "You'll Never Walk Alone." Create a song for the occasion, and you get the theme to the 2010 Vancouver Games. "Chelsea Dagger" for the 2008-09 Chicago Blackhawks just sort of happened so did the ubiquity of "Zombie Nation," which while annoying as hell certainly seems to have an effect on springy young drunk people in college stands. You and the average mortal with a keyboard and Garage Band on their laptop are doomed.Īt best, songs associated with sports should be a matter of happy coincidence and randomness. Prince wrote a bad song when he tried to write a sports song, and he's brilliant. Songs should not be written for things, because songs designed for certain events inevitably suck, especially when you commission them. Ignore the music for the moment (though you know you're in trouble when you hear an organ, the musical harbinger of a terrible musician about to get "serious, man"). The other is "One Shining Moment," the Jim Nantz of sporting songs. Jim Nantz will still call the final instead of Gus Johnson, meaning you'll get Nantz calling the most intense and passionate collegiate sporting event of the year like he's watching a sloth hump a two-by-four. There will be two wretched traditions lurching their way through the door, however. ![]() You get March Madness across a number of different platforms, thus diversifying any potential suck outbreaks in the broadcast. He could be pledging a million dollars towards Japanese earthquake relief and it would sound like "Hi guys I'm Jim Nantz and bright lights would confuse me if I were more curious hey isn't mayonnaise delicious as a main course and condiment?" Between Nantz's bland human wallpaper act and former CBS announcer Billy Packer's continual dislike of life and all things living, it was a bad, bad human wrecking ball there for a while there on CBS, an announcing milkshake made of mental beef tallow and pepper spray. I hate Jim Nantz calling anything simply because he sounds like such a smug, superficial bastard no matter what he's saying. The arbitrary and completely irrational spreads to the broadcast itself. I'll like you as much irrationally as I hate Duke irrationally, and that is in a purely nonsensical fashion with only Duke's perpetual floppiness to claim for even a shred of hateful justification. Peter's-no, it's all the better if I don't, because who cares about facts here when all I want to do is love you, team I've never heard of and just adopted for no reason whatsoever. I don't need to know about Old Dominion's roster, or the surprisingly solid halfcourt play of St. There is literally no learning curve for enjoying the NCAA Tournament, and that is a good thing. ![]()
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